barnraised is moving out of the barn.
This has been a hard post for me to write because so much of my blog “theme” is tied into this crazy barn where we live.
It is time for me to move on. Living in the barn, running this busy facility is taking a toll on me and my family.
Oh it has been the most wonderful adventure, fun times, good people and a learning immersion experience I couldn’t have had anywhere else. I feel like a changed person. A stronger person. A very much braver person.
And my body is tired, my mind is tired, I need sleep, my little girl sometimes just needs “all the people to go away”. I feel somewhat taken advantage of here, my kindness is walked over sometimes, it’s exhausting having to always “cowgirl up” and reinforce boundaries day in and day out. Over and over. Also, for an introvert, I have just had it with people at my front door -literally- sun-up to sundown. And a “boss” who won’t set any boundaries for the business that I run for him….for free mind you. Ok.
Of course, anyone whom has ever lived in their place of work can understand how that balance is difficult to maintain and how one can get stressed out. However, live in someone else’s business and it doubles that. It’s hard to be the one “in charge” here, but not the one to “call the shots”. It’s hard to see things I don’t agree with or feel good about taking place and not be able to right them or make change. It’s hard at the end of the day, or in the midst of chaos to see where the boundary lines are. And ultimately, I’m not that comfortable anymore.
And that is when one must know that it is time to move on. Or in this case, move out.
The decision has been a while in coming. Just wanted to make sure I gave it my all, tried to make it work and that if and when I pulled the plug I knew I was doing the 100% right thing.
So we’ve given our notice. We had a plan and a back-up plan but both those fell through. So we stayed on here a little bit longer than we probably should’ve. Thus, bringing us to the exciting decision to continue being barnraised…on our own terms.
We are under contract right now on our own facility. Let’s hope it all works out. It will be a smaller scale than what I’ve been managing here. Which is not a bad thing. And it will be on my terms. A beautiful, healing, friendly place that honors others and honors the horses that live and work for me. A place that holds respect and beauty. A place that is grateful for kindness and says no to dishonesty.