Left behind boots. That was my first clue. Walking down to my horses stall, I came upon these left behind boots. I thought they were worthy of a shot. So I took one. Only to find out, as my morning progresses that two or three of our “resident cowgirls” had decided to forego their boots and (for some reason) head off on their horses barefoot and free. “Natural Horsemanship”…..? I think it could qualify. These girls! My first thought was (I will admit) how UNSAFE! And, my second thought was how BEAUTIFUL. I do remember those carefree days and I wish them upon my daughter. No matter how I may worry and fret, I want my daughter to know carefree, bareback, barefoot days on horseback that nearly no mom would approve of. As my little one grows, I have to remember there will be times to turn the “blind eye”. But it will be in honor of who she is and the freedom she seeks. It could be worse, believe me, it could be worse. Here’s to freedom, bravery and childhood. I wish to bring some of it back into my own life!
Spring has come. Summer is here. The seasons are suddenly moving so fast. I have found myself getting behind…on seasons! Mother Nature always comes back around to remind us where we are at no matter how quickly, or how slowly, we want to move. We are creatures of the Earth, bound to the seasons, the Earth’s rotation, the rythms of all else. No matter how we don’t want to be. I take a moment to savor this beautiful summer day, after the monsoon rains, when all the green and color blooms. It is so brief, but so beautiful. And I have to remember at this time of year, to just slow down for a few moments and delight in the beauty!
Cowgirls. We are not always who you think we should be. And we are always who we are. Take it or leave it. We are not the average girls and we’re not saying we are anything extra special either. We are amazing everyday in the quiet brimming under the excitement. Here’s to my little girl, Sahalie. For all of who she is. I am so thankful for her and the ways she reminds me that everything is okay. She reminds me to stop worrying. She reminds me to look up at the beautiful sunrise. She reminds me to not get stuck in the details. “Don’t let the details ruin the whole big fun”….That is her favorite saying. Did I mention she is only seven years old? Seven years on this Earth, but so much older and so much wiser than I know. In many ways, I am here having this adventure for her. When it feels like really hard work and I desperately miss my privacy and old life I remind myself of what she gets to experience. What little girl’s dream wouldn’t involve living in a barn and running a stable? She loves these horses as much as I do, only she remembers to be grateful and excited for the experience and opportunity to love. Even though we homeschool and I am the “teacher”, it is she that teaches me every single day. Thank you, Sahalie.
I ended up buying a horse that changed my life. Literally. He was a challenge and many times did I think about giving up. But I didn’t, I couldn’t. I’m a gluten for punishment and apparently, I have been told, I sought out this challenge as a reflection of my own insecurities. Even though, all I said I wanted was an easy, fun trail horse. I guess we just are who we are even if we try to be better. But the lesson in this, is that’s not necessarily always a bad thing. We face head on who we are and then we see why and where we may want to change. Then we have the free will to make that change if we wish, if we are willing to do the work. If we are willing to look at our messiness. My sweet boy, what a challenge he was. He taught me self confidence, assertiveness, focus, to STOP caring about what others think and say, to forge my own path and believe without worrying what the outcome may be. Because it was just he and I in the end, making it or not. In more ways than one, because I have the on-going neck pain from this path! Dare I say, a HORSE changed my life. Yes, I say it. A horse greatly changed my life. Today, he is my best friend and we are getting along beautifully. Still a challenging moment here or there, but really no worries. The therapeutic value of horses is so hard to put into words. And, Im not one of those “airy fairy” types that believes in Tao type deep energy connections. And, I don’t not believe in it either. It’s just not totally and completely “me” to go there. I will say my truth though, and that’s that there is indeed therapeutic value to horses in so many ways. A creature who can quite literally feel your feelings, hear your heartbeat and smell your fear. A horse will synchronize to your heartbeat, breathing and emotions. This may sound deep, but as Monty Roberts teaches, it’s nature. Horses are herd animals, looking for a leader. It is a survival technique for them to synch with the herd. When the herd leader becomes frightened of something, a predator say, it is the immediate syncing of the herd that alerts and saves them. Take a horse out of the wild, and, well they still need a leader. If that’s you, then they sync to you. Be afraid, they smell fear. Increased heartbeat, faster breathing? They sync to you sending their heart rate and breathing up. Keep yourself calm (even in the midst of fear or nervousness) and you can keep your horse calm. Breathe deep, focus, visualize and your horse will come with you. As John Wayne says “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyways”.
And, here it is. I have struggled with what my first post should be for far too long. I keep thinking it has to be perfection, beautiful, embodiment of this new wonderful life. Then as I was sorting through pictures, I saw this one I took one of my first days here. One thing I am learning in my few months here is to let go of high expectations, accept what is and that “what is” can be beautiful in it’s own way. And, here it is.