stables
this moment
Originally inspired by “Soulemama“: {this moment} ~ A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a simple, special, extraordinary (sometimes just silly) moment.
Courage doesn’t always roar
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
part 2 of that history making
I have chronicled a little bit here about my little girl’s struggles and fears with her horse, Romance.
She loves this horse with ALL of her heart and soul.
And she is timid and harbors some fear from a scary experience from a horse she rode prior to getting her own baby, Romance.
Romance is stubborn, challenging, diva-ish ….and yet still-I have reluctantly discovered- the perfect horse for my timid and sweet little girl.
We all have fears to work through. If we want it bad enough, we do it.
If we don’t want it, that’s okay. No one is forcing us to do things we don’t want to do.
I will never push her. But I will support her. I have always told her that she never has to do anything she truly doesn’t want to. BUT if she wants something, then she can’t let fear stop her. There’s a fine line there, isn’t there? Even for us adults. I know.
I’ll tell ya. This little cowgirl wanted it. She has worked her cute little heart out. For horsey readers–she has round-penned, joined up, spent hours in her stall, trained, rode, loved, cried… For mommy, daddy, and otherwise readers–she has persevered in ways that many much older than her could never. It wasn’t always pretty, but it was always beautiful. As mom, I tried to guide, make sure she was safe and then –step back. Again, balancing the fine line. My little, timid, sweet girl was not always well-behaved in those moments with her horse. In the sense, that this cowgirl knew what she wanted and was going for it even with trepidation, nerves, fear, tears and telling mom to back off (in much sweeter words, I assure you, but same meaning). I discovered that she is strong in who she is. Big difference between being timid and soft-spoken and being strong and confident. What’s that saying…”never mistake kindness for weakness”…
*final post on this back story to come 🙂
making history
“Well behaved women seldom make history”
“Some history-making is intentional; much of it is accidental. People make history when they scale a mountain, ignite a bomb, or refuse to move to the back of the bus. But they also make history by keeping diaries, writing letters, or embroidering initials on linen sheets. History is a conversation and sometimes a shouting match between present and past, though often the voices we most want to hear are barely audible. People make history by passing on gossip, saving old records, and by naming rivers, mountains, and children. Some people leave only their bones, though bones too make a history when someone notices.”
― Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History
*more to come on the back story of this post 🙂
this moment
Joining Amanda Soule at “Soulemama” in the tradition of:
{this moment} ~ A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
the other side of fear
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” –unknown
I was teaching a “saddle club” group lesson the other day with my teaching partner, a lovely lady who is passionate about teaching “riding lessons”. She does not, however, have the background I have in working with children, children with special needs and in the counseling/social work field. She has a 1:1 student-we’ll call her Jane-who also participates in our weekly girl’s group “Saddle Club” riding and education class. My partner has expressed to me frustration in teaching Jane. You see Jane is ten years old, but presents as somewhat slow, unfocused and doesn’t seem to progress in riding skills. During the group lesson, Jane was having difficulty and really holding up the class. She was on a new horse, and could not even get the horse to MOVE. My partner expressed quietly to me that she was increasingly frustrated with Jane and simply losing patience…she expressed that she doesn’t know how to “get through to this girl”. I suggested that we split the group and one of us could take Jane individually so the others would be allowed to continue on with the group lesson. I told my partner that if she wanted I would be willing to work one-on-one with Jane today. She said “yes, please!”. I took Jane to the far end of the arena and started working with her. After some time I picked up on some patterns she was displaying. And I picked up on some tension in her body. I picked up on her fear. I asked her about it and she expressed that she was terrified. So we broke it down, took it literally ONE step at a time. I did some focus excersices with her that I do with my riders who have special needs and/or fear trauma issues. I find it really brings them into the moment, gives them a focus and reduces the anxiety build up. Jane then began to relax and by the end of our time together she was circling her horse around a barrel and back to me, over and over. Thus-as I pointed out to her-showing her that she has control and knows what to do, even beyond her fear. With intention, her horse will respond. It was an amazing 20 minutes. Later, my partner expressed to me that she wishes she had my patience. And that she feels like the parents are “wasting their money” on lessons. I responded back that, perhaps she was looking at this wrong. No, it’s not a “waste”. My partner is focused on “riding lessons”. She wants to see Jane progress in her RIDING. Sometimes, I told her, when I have a child like Jane who has some special needs (in this case, fear), I realign my intention-this is where I firmly believe that riding is therapy. Ok, I do have my “regular” riding lessons. And, yes, I enjoy seeing my girls win their ribbons at shows. My passion, though, is with the deeper stuff. What Jane can do and learn through horseback riding is priceless and worth far more than those ribbons. She is an extremely timid, shy, insecure girl. I suspect, but don’t know (and won’t address because she isn’t my student) that there may be some disability (alter-ability) such as mild Autism or something developmental. Jane is gaining so much more from this experience than my girls who bring home the ribbons are. I promise you that. Strength, focus, confidence, assertiveness, perserverence…. Just getting up on a horse for her is more brave and amazing than you can imagine. AND this is a form of therapy that she LOVES to go to and participate in. Do you know how many kids tell me they hate going to therapy??? So boring! And, all while they sit on the back of a horse in my therapy (office) arena. It really is a beautiful thing.
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways”….John Wayne
horse sense
Well, well it has been quite the exciting time around here the past couple of weeks. Last weekend was a Saturday Hippotherapy clinic. Sunday was a Centered Riding Clinic. And then, this past weekend was a Monty Roberts demonstration which we attended with VIP tickets. Mind you, I have traveled to California “Flag is Up Farms” for clinics and expected to meet Mr. Roberts, but, alas-no he was out of the country. So to finally see him in person and talk with him (per the VIP splurge) was excellent to say the least. What I really like about him, specifically, is how he relates working with horses to life in general, to working with people. His book “Horse Sense for People” really is the greatest book I have ever read. He projects the skills used in horse communication to parenting, work relationships, career, life, everything. Trust, respect and communication being the basis for all things. He promotes non-violence in all ways (including our words). Also, he is 80 years old and still touring, teaching, training and riding. What an inspiration.
The funny thing is that in all my horsey years I really didn’t know too much about Monty Roberts. Not long ago, an old college friend of mine who was visiting mentioned watching some Monty Roberts videos in his master’s program for teaching. He explained how it was used to open a discussion about how teachers teach and treat children. For some reason, that really fascinated me. And, from there, I started reading his books. Then, of course, my daughter fell in love with Shy Boy. We watched the documentary, read the children’s version of the book together and met Mr. Shy Boy when we visited the farm. I’m not one to be “star struck”, but I will say if I’m going to be–it’s gotta be Monty. Did I mention, that I (out of all the hundreds there this weekend) won the raffle for some free equipment AND got a hug from the Horse Whisperer. Ok, anyways. It’s been a good couple of weeks of learning and re-energizing. For all we know, we always continue to learn. Any (horse) person who treats others as if they know it all, is only kidding themselves and limiting their own possibilities. We are a community of people and we can learn from each other, we can respect each other, and we can always pick and choose what we want to use and/or believe. To accept from another and be open to new things is not to limit ourselves.
Horses are so good
This writing rang so true with me. I want to give credit where it is absolutely due. This was written by Julia Everheart whom I have tried to contact and just can’t. I really need to share it though, so thank you Miss Everheart:
Most little girls go through a horse-crazy phase at some point in their adolesence. There are several theories as to why this is; the most famous is the Freudian theory about little girl’s repressed desires and need to master something powerful to make up for their inherent weakness. Hogwash, I say, but anyway, whatever the reason little girls love horses, it’s good for the girls and good for the horses!
Most women can remember clear as day the first time they sat on a horse. Maybe it was an old, arthritic pony not suitable for anything more than the occasional lead line ride. Maybe it was, as in the case of my mom, a hot Thoroughbred racehorse whose trainers were insane to put an 8 year old on its back. Whatever the scenario, it is a memorable experience because it is markedly different than, well, anything. Horses are big and they offer a whole new view of the world. A little girl all of a sudden gets a lot taller when she’s hoisted onto a horse’s back. This feeling, along with the feeling of going faster than she could on her own two legs, is very addictive.
Once a little girl gets a taste of riding, she is likely to want more. If you’re a parent reading this, I advise you to cough up the cash for some riding lessons. I can almost guarantee you won’t regret it. The first reason is simple- confidence. When your six year old can get on an animal that outweighs her ten times, make the animal walk, trot and canter quietly, and maybe even convince it to jump over something, all the while making it look effortless, she will really have accomplished something! Horseback riding, like most athletic activities, is much harder than it looks. What you don’t see as the observer is how much muscle control, strength and balance goes into even the simplest of manouvers. Horses don’t naturally move in straight lines and perfect circles. They don’t naturally lower their heads and trot prettily around an arena. Your kid is making all of that happen. As your little girl continues to advance as a rider, you will see her confidence grow. Riding is HARD and your kid can do it!
I have seen many a timid and shy girl blossom into a confident, outspoken and capable little lady simply by hanging out with horses and learning to ride. When a child rides, they may be able to get away with being a passenger at first, but soon they will have to take charge. There are many naughty ponies to thank for timid little girls learning to quite literally take the reins and take control. In the horse/human relationship, the rider is dominant and has to be for her own safety. Riding teaches kids to lead, to make quick decisions and to trust their instincts. Your kid may think she’s taking a riding lesson, but really she’s taking a lesson in life.
Horses also teach responsibility. If you haven’t noticed, they’re alive and have numerous needs. They’re a bit like very large, very heavy toddlers- they poop a lot and make a mess when they eat. Horses require hard labor- mucking stalls, hauling water buckets, unloading hay, cleaning tack, repairing fences, cleaning the barn, and the list goes on. All of these chores have to be done on a daily basis. Kids who are involved with horses learn to work hard and take pride in their work- another valuable lesson for life!
In a society where girls are taught that their value lies in how they LOOK, horses teach little girls to place value on what they can DO. Would you rather your pre-teen spend her afternoon wandering around the mall looking for a push-up bra or master an automatic release as she flies over a three foot jump on horseback? Which do you think will instill tenacity, perseverance and confidence in her ability to set goals and reach them?
Horses will also turn your little girl into a tough cookie. Horses are big, and when you fall off them, it hurts. The important thing is to get right back on. Undoubtedly, everyone who rides will fall off at some point and if they love the sport, they will haul themselves right back on and give it another try. There is little time for tears and pity parties.The only way to get better is to get back on.
As little girls grow into teenagers, having horses around can be especially helpful. Your teenage daughter can’t get wasted at her friend’s party because she has to be up at 5 a.m. to trailer to a show. She certainly can’t get pregnant, because everyone knows doctors frown on pregnant ladies trying to ride. If her boyfriend dumps her, so what? Her horse is cuter anyway. Horses give teenage girls something to think about beside boys, parties and all the myriad superficial things our consumer society is selling.
I am convinced that horses give back far more than they cost in ways that are immeasurable and priceless. Many families have made sacrifices so that their kids could ride, show or own horses. The time and money spent on these endeavors has a return that will stretch into the child’s teen and adult years. Simply put, horses are good for girls.
As a personal note, I’d add that horses are just good for people in general. Especially, children. We have been through so many life lessons with horses. Bullying, confidence, assertiveness, responsibility, what hard work feels like, what reward at the end of that hard work feels like, I could go on..and I could write an entire post on each of these “life lesson” topics but I will spare you (you’re welcome…). In a nutshell, we’re on the right path I think. With great teachers in our equines!
Nine months
I just spent the last hour or so going through pictures so I could send some special ones off to be developed. It’s the end of the year and time, I figured, to catch up on all of that. Get current on scrapbooks and get some holiday gift pics ready to frame and put in the mail. I really wasn’t expecting so much inspiration to come from this simple and tedious task. Looking back at early pictures of our days here, I am actually quite (and pleasantly) surprised to see the changes in my daughter, my family, myself, our horses. It has been exactly nine months today since we uprooted our lives and moved in here to the horse boarding/training and trail riding stables. In some ways it still feels so new, like we moved in yesterday. And in some ways it feels so old, like we’ve been here forever. I found myself pausing to think over these past months. The people, the horses, the growth, the huge leaps in learning, and the hard times. It has not all been slow and easy, no it hasn’t. As much as I would like to display that here, it wouldn’t be honest. It has been slow and hard going much of the time. In more ways than one. Then…I look at this picture I recently took of my little girl. My goodness. She went from a 5 year old traumatized rider from her first “FALL” to a girl riding confidently on a sweet old man named “Jack”, to being bucked off that sweet (but grumpy) old Jack. THEN, we moved in here. She persisted forward with a new fear of knowing the scare and pain of a buck. She perserved on with Jack and a couple more horses. “Loosen your reins!” became my mantra and tighten them up further became her response. Then she got her lovely Arabian dream “Romance”. And, she proceeded to pull the you know what out of her mouth with tight reins and grasping the saddle and pure fear. Well, wouldn’t you know it but that lovely Romance RAN AWAY WITH HER in the round pen –first ride. Anyone out there working with lessons kids….you hear me. Nevermind the fact that she’s my own kid as well! We went downhill emotionally so far and so fast, I thought this little baby girl was never coming back up for some manure sweet air. Low and behold, she wanted more. I have never made her ride, she would come to me every morning begging to ride even while being scared to death to do it. So began the saga of little girl traumatized three too many times on three horses and mama teacher who (because of being mama) she just didn’t really respect. All she had to do was cry and say “Im scared” and what was one mama to do, really? Ok, “off you go”. Well, once, twice, three times, okay. BUT…there comes a time when….we just really need to RIDE. There were slow days of just groom her, tack up and walk her around the arena. Please. And, suddenly, with really no warning, my little girl said “I trust her” and dropped her reins. Put her hands out in the air and said “look, ma, no hands”. There was a little more work here that I’m perhaps leaving out, including putting trotting poles in her horse’s stall (she was petrified of them). I questioned myself over whether that was really the nicest thing, but decided that it was okay. The poles would not attack her in the middle of the night (I promise) and what better way really to get comfortable with something than to SLEEP with it. There were days of just watching while my girl did nothing but sit on her horse with her body tense and reins tight not wanting to move but also not wanting to get off (once it was for 45 minutes!). Times of biting my tongue and just trying not to look! Friends and other boarders offered encouragement to her along the way. Mostly it’s just been a lot of patience, time and space knowing that she wants this so bad and it will just come into being when the time is right. She has the skills, she knows how to ride, and she has the passion. Just give her time to heal. Well, I think her time has come. Maybe not completely. It’s a long journey for everyone and really doesn’t have a finish line. But this cowgirl is certainly more than along her way I tell you.
Sweet, grumpy, old man Jack. This was my girl’s first real horse relationship and first real “cowgirl up” experience too. My how love hurts sometimes! Jack has also recently been one of her first “saying goodbye” and dealing with death experiences. Looking back at the words I wrote above, I see all the we learn and all that we become just by being around and working with horses. How horses can teach so many important life lessons amazes me.
barnraised 